The Panty Raid

All Bianca, All the Time

No, I’m not some creepy perv who obsesses over fetish models; I’m just trying to whip up a little hype for my cover story in the spring ‘09 issue of Naked Eye. The mag is published by Brand U Media, which is co-owned by one Burton Rice, whom you can read about in this article. The whole thing kind of scares the bejeezus out of me.

Anyway, below are some photos that Martin (her boyfriend-photographer) & Bianca (pictured) sent me of their recent photo shoot in the tropics, none of which appear in the upcoming issue. I assure you the seal is not dead, just sunbathing. Apparently he took a real shine to B, who could certainly pass for a pinniped in these pics. Whether or not this thing actually gets printed is another matter entirely.

DJ Don’ts

I played a corporate event last winter where one of the organizers was shocked to learn that I didn’t have a microphone and that I had a “no talking” policy. I didn’t understand at the time, but that was before I experienced Disco Normand.

Here in Quebec, it’s called “Disco Mobile”. You know the deal: cheesy, ’70s-era greaseballs who think YMCA is a great way to set the party off. Worse than the music was the DJ himself - this dick actually actually had the gall to insist on sitting at our table, drinking our wine, and complaining about the food that he wasn’t even supposed to be eating. Anyway, get a load of his business card that he left all over the place. And check out the last bullet point - am I misreading this, or is there an actual DJs union?

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Archie Digested - Special Guest Writer Christopher Walken!

Anyone who says Twitter is stupid obviously doesn’t follow Chris Walken’s feed. The nuggets this guy comes up with are incredible, and this one is no exception:

cwalken:
Better to read Archie comic books to study adolescent psychology than to think that you really know someone on Twitter. Jughead said that.

UPDATE: Hmmm…Twitter account has been suspended due to “suspicious activity.” This saddens me.

BB’s Guns

Quebec is a many splendored province. We have poutine, great skiing, and of course, Bianca Beauchamp. B is considered the top latex model in the world. She’s appeared on over 50 magazine covers, including Playboy, and even has a video game character modeled on her curvy frame. I got to interview her for the spring issue of Naked Eye Magazine (pictured above), a Canadian quarterly published out of Montreal.

I’ll post a pdf once it’s been on shelves for a couple of weeks - in the mean time, feel free to check out her site (NSFW).

UPDATE: And I thought nobody read this thing…Naked Eye has kindly requested I take down the cover, and since they sign the cheques, I’m obliging. Hope the above substitute suffices.

Archie Digested

Where exactly is Riverdale? It has to be coastal, because that wave is at least 15 feet. The shoddy inking of this particular Gag Bag makes it difficult to tell exactly what’s going on - is that water polluted? Is it black from the run-off coming out of that tube in panel four? There’s also a weird time lapse between panels two and three: first Archie is teaching Jug to body surf, then he’s back on the beach. Finally, there’s the tube’s unknown source…is it that weird green complex in the back? It should also be noted that Archie’s lack of concern for Jughead suggests one of two things: that this happens all the time, or that Carrot Top is a sociopath a la River’s Edge (the one on the left; not Crispin Glover).

MSTRKRFT Leftovers

I was warned that Jesse F. Keeler had a reputation for being a dick mildly abrassive, particularly towards music journalists, but nothing (in my experience, at least) could be more untrue. Jesse’s a total dude, and a very relaxed interview. Sure he’s a bit of a name-dropper, and maybe even a little too self-assured, but modesty doesn’t make for sexy quotes. Out this April in Nightlife Magazine, here’s what got cut:

Why The Looks sounds kinda half-baked

JFK: At that point we were still figuring out a lot of stuff; Al and I are fans of a really broad spectrum of music; I don’t understand people who don’t listen to everything, you know? I listen to The Supremes, then I listen to Slipknot. Al ‘s not as extreme as I am about that stuff; we have a really big pool of influences to draw from – so big that I think it’s hard for us to do anything…if we have an idea, it’s hard for it to ever come across exactly…I couldn’t say to you, ‘I wanna make a song that sounds like this,’ because in the end it’s just not going to. I can’t do it. It never works out.

OG Electro

JFK: It’s funny looking back at The Looks now, because at the time we only had a small handful of contemporaries – there was a time where it was us, Boys Noize, Justice, Digitalism and Simian Mobile Disco. And that was the whole music scene. We were closest with Justice, and are still really good friends. Everyone found their voice, and it’s been interesting to how everyone has evolved. For us, what I always wanted to do was to…it’s sort of lofty, but I figure you should aim high and then if you get close there’s always something further to work towards.

The gambler

Our is goal is to change popular music. Fist of God is something we’ve been working on since 2006. we started work on it about a month after we delivered The Looks, before it have even been released. At the time, modern rap and r & b production didn’t have four-on-the-floor kick drums – it didn’t sound like it does now. And it was so funny, because I talk a lot to parents about music, and I said to them, ‘I really think that this stuff can become the sound of popular music, and I’m going to bet my livelihood on it.’

Hola Hova

JFK: I still want to do a track with Jay-Z, and the irony is that our publishing guy at EMI is his best friend. Next time it won’t be hard, but this time around, because we were making music that doesn’t really exist yet…

“Bounce” - MSTRKRFT ft. N.O.R.E.