April 2009
1 post
All Bianca, All the Time
No, I’m not some creepy perv who obsesses over fetish models; I’m just trying to whip up a little hype for my cover story in the spring ‘09 issue of Naked Eye. The mag is published by Brand U Media, which is co-owned by one Burton Rice, whom you can read about in this article. The whole thing kind of scares the bejeezus out of me.
Anyway, below are some photos that Martin (her...
March 2009
45 posts
DJ Don'ts
I played a corporate event last winter where one of the organizers was shocked to learn that I didn’t have a microphone and that I had a “no talking” policy. I didn’t understand at the time, but that was before I experienced Disco Normand.
Here in Quebec, it’s called “Disco Mobile”. You know the deal: cheesy, ’70s-era greaseballs who think YMCA is...
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Archie Digested - Special Guest Writer Christopher...
Anyone who says Twitter is stupid obviously doesn’t follow Chris Walken’s feed. The nuggets this guy comes up with are incredible, and this one is no exception:
cwalken: Better to read Archie comic books to study adolescent psychology than to think that you really know someone on Twitter. Jughead said that.
UPDATE: Hmmm…Twitter account has been suspended due to...
BB's Guns
Quebec is a many splendored province. We have poutine, great skiing, and of course, Bianca Beauchamp. B is considered the top latex model in the world. She’s appeared on over 50 magazine covers, including Playboy, and even has a video game character modeled on her curvy frame. I got to interview her for the spring issue of Naked Eye Magazine (pictured above), a Canadian quarterly published...
Archie Digested
Where exactly is Riverdale? It has to be coastal, because that wave is at least 15 feet. The shoddy inking of this particular Gag Bag makes it difficult to tell exactly what’s going on - is that water polluted? Is it black from the run-off coming out of that tube in panel four? There’s also a weird time lapse between panels two and three: first Archie is teaching Jug to body surf,...
MSTRKRFT Leftovers
I was warned that Jesse F. Keeler had a reputation for being a dick mildly abrassive, particularly towards music journalists, but nothing (in my experience, at least) could be more untrue. Jesse’s a total dude, and a very relaxed interview. Sure he’s a bit of a name-dropper, and maybe even a little too self-assured, but modesty doesn’t make for sexy quotes. Out this April in...
Numero uno in a series of illegal music posts....
Deadmau5 Leftovers
Talk about paranoid…
I interviewed Deadmau5, Toronto’s Joel Zimmerman, for the upcoming April issue of Nightlife Magazine (he’s booked to play a circuit party in Montreal that goes down on the Easter weekend). As talented as he is, the Grammy-nominated producer has some deeply conflicting views on what it is to be a DJ, as well as a hearty disregard for club culture. Usually I...
Flashback: The Time Vice Magazine Hurt My Feelings
I’ve been in Vice Magazine twice: once when they published a feature I wrote while on an internship in Kosovo, and prior to that when they straight-up dissed me on the letters page. The latter is a far more interesting story:
It was around 1998, and I was still in journalism school. A (former) friend and classmate who worked for Vice invited me to do some proofreading with him, and I leapt at...
Zen and the Art of Dubstep
Our good friends over Music is My Sanctuary posted Flying Lotus’ Essential Mix, and it’s a real lulu: Daedelus, Portishead, Slum Village, and all sorts of moody, broody goodness. Run by the one of the hardest working DJs in the 514, Lexis, Sancutary is probably the best music portal in the city, and a well-written one at that. So, uh, check it out.
I (heart) Theme Parties
For those of you outside of Facebookvania, this is a shot of me at the Reitmans Christmas party last Friday night. I was the DJ, and one of about five people dressed up according to that night’s theme, Brow-Furrowing Virtuoso Composers of the 18th Century (but seriously, it was something like Catherine the Great).
I played to a predominantly female crowd, so I more or less knew what tracks...
CFCF Leftovers
Has it been two-and-a-half months already? Boy, time sure flies when you’re avoiding the creeping guilt of giving up on your blog. As a peace offering to our zero readers, here’s what was left on the editing room floor of my interview with the mysterious Mike Silver, aka CFCF (Myspace page here). Dude’s 21 and he’s already remixed Crystal Castles, The Teenagers and The Presets - he has a new EP of...
You Should Write That Down
Always keep a notebook and pen handy. The missus and I watched Commando the other night when I scribbled down the following gem:
I *think* I was referring to Tommy Chong’s daughter, Rae Dawn Chong, who played Schwarzenegger’s sidekick/love interest. And for the record, I don’t think she’s ugly at all…that said, “horse-faced dog monster” is officially my new favourite insult.
SkyMall: Slice Me Nice
In your FACE, pizza wheel! SkyMall’s Labour Day sale is on, and you know what that means: big savings on essential kitchen accessories like the Pizza Pro, a combination scissor-spatula that cuts serving time in half:
Pizza lovers rejoice: serving slices is easier than ever!
The Pizza Pro - Slice and serve pizza easily with this new invention. It combines kitchen shears with a wedge-shaped...
Vive le Québec Fétiche
The unstoppable Bianca Beauchamp lands another cover, this time for Summum, the Quebec equivalent of Maxim or FHM (“lad mags” as they call ‘em in the UK).
We here at The Panty Raid are huge supporters of Bianca’s every endeavour, not just because she looks great drenched in baby oil, but also for the fact that she’s fetish culture royalty and the biggest local export after hydro electricity....
Celebrity Encounters: Kevin Spacey
Courtesy of Amory Blaine here in Montreal:
“It was 1998 and I was in London, England for a year on what would end up a botched academic exchange. I had gotten pub work north of the city centre in the posh Islington neighbourhood, not far from the famous Almeida theatre.
“I was working the lunch shift (pseudo-gourmet pub grub: pasta, sausage, etc) and this guy comes in and sits at some random...
Facebook Wall Messages Not Intended for Public...
Another stolen idea, but I doubt Liam will hold it against me. Here’s an unintentional outing that scrolled across my news feed recently:
“Hi [blank], miss your warm touch and friendly roaming eyes LOL!!!!! Give me a call.”
Jesus Just Got Interesting
Yes, that’s an autographed photo of Quebec fetish model/godess Bianca Beauchamp. Jealous? Yeah, you’re jealous. Needless to say, I was overjoyed to interview her for the upcoming spring edition of Naked Eye, though I was less thrilled with her insistence on doing the interview by email. But whatever - I’m still psyched to see how it turns out (PDF link to come!)
Archie Digested
Archie is an anti-semite.
SkyMall is Your God
As any self-respecting spy will tell you, these ironman blade shades are the best way to blend into a crowd and conduct some serious counter-espionage. Better yet, you can listen to your own personalized spy music playlist on the built-in MP3 player! Just don’t lose the remote control as manual operation may arouse suspicion:
Sunglasses have a 1.3 mega pixel pinhole camera that captures color...
Nostradamus Wept
Old magazines are the best. Here’s a clip from a 1994 issue of Premiere Magazine touting CSI squinter David Caruso as the next Bruce Willis. Can you believe this joker got $2M+ for Jade?!? Poor William Friedken…
Flickr'd!
Flickr community, you are the greatest. I can’t decide which is better: the grabby emperor penguin in the centre, or the name of the picture itself - I Love This Red Shirt (no, really). Thanks to SMHowey for this glimpse into the adults-only realm of Antarctica.
UPDATE: Gah! SMHowey took down her penguin pic, so here’s one I call “goth trying trying not to smile.”
March 18, 2009: Double Gah!...
Mandatory CanCon
In accordance with sweeping reforms to the CRTC, blogs must now offer a minimum level of content that pretends Canadian celebrities matter. Here’s a May 1994 clipping from UK geriatric tome, Q Magazine. Oh, Mutt…why must you be so impulsive?
March 18, 2009: This was way funnier/timely when the split was first announced. Still worth a re-post.
Archie Digested
Archie hunts moose with his bare hands. Reggie, meanwhile, seems fairly confident that Moose won’t kick his ass, and even goes so far as to pull a Ferris Bueller (Paramount made You Tube take down the original shower scene montage, so here’s Martita’s re-enactment). Finally, there are a whopping eight exclamation points in just five panels. Who wrote this, Tom Wolfe?
Nigella Lawson Topless Milk Jugs
Smooth and round, ideal for holding cream. Grab a pair while you can (thanks to Aaron for this).
Skymall Catalogue Update
Gentlemen, we have the technology. Introducing the Bionic Golf Glove from the good people at Skymall. While it’s alleged to be a boon for arthritis sufferers, I can’t seem to find anything in the product description about lasers or the ability to un-snap bras from a distance of 200 feet. Click here for more gadgets to improve your short game.
This glove is scientifically designed to give you an...
Flickr'd! Private Photos For Your Amusement
Sad. Just sad. In IMG_3839, two equatorial youths are reduced to imagining that it’s winter, and that their sleds are coasting across the crystaline crunch of an arctic landscape. Least amused by all this are the family dogs (out of frame), who, despite incessant cajoling, refuse to pull their young charges across the lawn.
Blogs are Stupid, Awesome
Lifestreaming is like referring to sex as “genital on genital interfacing”. Check out Thom’s July 21 post, entitled “Nerdtacular 2008 Was A Blast”.
Is that a Booka Shade track he uses at the beginning??? Edited together with the cowbell from …Funkytown? I feel so conflicted right now.
Why the Pixies Suck, by Lydia Lunch
My favourite record store is moving next week moved last year and did a big clearance sale. I grabbed a mint condition copy of About Love by Gladys Knight & The Pips, and a Chevy Chase comedy album that defies description. I also picked up an issue of Forced Exposure from 1989 in which actress-singer-performance artist-writer-director and noted bisexual Lydia Lunch rails on the music...
Why Little Girls Love Horses (and sorry, it's not...
As part of The Panty Raid’s ongoing investigation into the sudden departure of Archie Comics’ “fairy blogmother” Patty and her subsequent reappearance as the moderator of an equine fan fiction site for girls, I had promised a juicy think-piece from one time trotter a sometimes jumper Rhiannon Brock on the female obsession with horsies. This one’s for you, Flicka fans! (btw, I’ve been linking...
Celebrity Encounters: David Arquette
Stolen from Vice, but they stopped doing it years ago so GAME ON. Anyway, my friend Jay was in Toronto when he caught sight of a pro wrestling legend. and no, it wasn’t “Rowdy” Roddy Piper.
“My David Arquette story is my favourite story of all time. I was sitting having breakfast at a restaurant with my wife and my parents. Our seats were near the window, and I was watching strangers go by when...
Archie Digested
Before we get into this week’s strip, it appears I’ve stumbled ass-backwards into a hot Archie scoop.
I recently visited the Archie website for the first time, curious to know more about Riverdale’s preeminent teens as expressed through the characters’ blogs. But when I clicked on Betty’s, I found the following farewell note from the now former site moderator, Patty:
July 3, 2008
Patty’s Farewell...
Overheard in Montreal (FHaHB, all rights reserved)
The idea is poached from Rhiannon Brock of Fag Hags and Handbags, so I have to give her full credit. The following was eavesdropped yesterday at Chez Vito on Saint-Urbain and Fairmount:
“I’m sorry, but you’d have to be an alcoholic to get a Grey Goose Tattoo.”
Gay for NPH
Remember that episode of Doogie when he got all drunk at a house party only to get called into work? Classic - just like a grown-up doctor!
And so I toast the marketing wonks at Old Spice for a campaign that speaks to me, the closet DH, M.D. fan. If Neil Patrick Harris endorses it, I’m buying.
Flickr'd!
Flickr’d! is yet another semi-regular feature here on Panty Raid! (easy on the exclamation points, cowboy) where we select/steal a random photo from the Flickr community for discussion/ridicule/worship. It feels illegal, but I’m not profiting off it or anything so I *think* it’s fair game. We’ll see how it goes.
For our inaugural submission, I present to you SEAVERS 036:
aka “AySiABoO”, the...
I Pee Freely: The Best Public (and not-so-Public)...
On a recent trip to Toronto, I picked up a copy of Now and came across an interesting feature on the dearth of public toilets in metropolitan Hogtown. It got me thinking: could Toronto possibly suck any harder? Personally, I think the writer just wasn’t trying. I mean, of course Starbucks is going to keep the john under lock and key – and who the fuck thinks they’re entitled to take a leak at...
I Can See the Music!
Hold onto that VCR, because it just became an integral part of your soundsystem. VHS HiFi machines make as good if not better audio recordings of a simple left-right channel source than computers, tape decks, DAT recorders and anything else you can think of. The advantages are numerous:
1) 6-hours non-stop recording with no decrease in quality;
2) Little investment – machines are easy to find...
King Khan, Come Home
I don’t know anything about garage or psych rock, but I did go to school with King Khan of King Khan and the Shrines. And that has to count for something.
King Khan, aka “Blacksnake”, is Arish Ahmad. He grew up in the West Island and went to a semi-private CEGEP called Marianopolis (check him out in the 2005 alumni newsletter). He studied Liberal Arts, idolized William S. Burroughs, loved the...
Archie Digested
My wife and I recently came to the conclusion that Archie is the greatest comic in the history of animated narratives. so, as a tribute my favourite blog, Marmaduke Explained (which, sadly, has sort of deteriorated as of late), I will offer my own observations on the day-to-day of America’s - nay, the world’s - favourite carrot top.
In “Oil’s Well”, we find out two things: first, that Mr. Lodge...
